.Life Is For Giving.
I've spent many days trying to get something from life. I didn't know it at the time, I thought I was giving. I wanted everyone to be happy, that was my aim. I didn't realize it was rooted in a need of my own; a desperate desire to see them happy so that I myself could be happy. I tied myself to others and made them my reasons for happiness, without recognizing that the execution of this meant controlling them.
I over-exercised, I ate (or didn't eat), I tried to please everyone and take away their suffering by giving them what they want - all in the search of health, happiness, and Love. None of these things are an issue in and of them self. Exercising is part of maintaining a strong and vital body, eating certain foods over others supports organ systems to function well, and helping others feel well is a beautiful act for a harmonious community. The issue was my dependency - I needed those things to feel well. I was using them; and I became quite good at it. Things worked for me, until they didn't. I went to such extremes with my exercise, my food, and my people pleasing that my body began to deteriorate and my mind was consumed by chaos. Health, happiness, and Love are not things you can obtain by chasing them; they are the result of internal work. They are the products of the actions you invest in daily, based on your chosen values. They are not results per sae, they are... hm. I don't actually know. What I do know is, the more you aim at getting them, the farther off the mark you'll be. Do what you believe in. Let go of needing people or things (including yourself) to be a certain way before you can feel well, choose your values and just act on them. The rest will fall into place.
I've stopped running after things, attempting to get something from life. I've begun to practice contentedness here and now, no matter what the circumstance. In doing so, my actions are no longer based on results, on getting something, so that I feel whole or good enough. I've practiced feeling this way based on no conditions at all, just feeling whole and content because I'm here and I'm alive. In doing so, in not needing to get their approval, to get that specific body shape, to be any particular way at all, I am free. I am free to choose my actions based on the values I believe in - kindness, compassion, courage, honesty, and curiosity - and there are no prerequisites.
The less I need to get from life the more freedom I have; freedom to choose to give.